Yes, dear

Spring has sprung and oh how the winds of change are in the air. I like to tease K because we both are basically project managers. She's a Planner by title and I'm an Estimator by title. I've managed large scope and small scope projects. And when we have a project to accomplish at the house there are no two people that can scope it out and get it accomplished(I mean, we painted a wood paneled living room in a few days-and we're talking, sanding, priming, painting and trim painting).

HOWEVER, while TD suffers from a mild case of procrastination, K suffers from severe scope creep. If you've taken any PM training scope creep is when things get tacked on to a project that are not allotted for monetarily or time wise. K's creep is more like, "Man doesn't this paint look great on the walls!! Oh, this window sill looks rotted, I think we should tear it out and replace the window and possibly put in new gutters while we're at it"

'yes, dear', I reply with my tail between my legs.

I've learned it's best not to be argumentative and just go with it; chances are those tasks will be forgotten when it's discovered you have to build a raised flower bed before it's time to seed this Spring.

Here's my list so far:

1. Take ceiling fan out of extra room and put it in kid #2s room(it gets freaking hot in there already)
2. Take ceiling fan out of our bedroom and put in kid #3s room
3. Put new ceiling fan in hole that was left in our bedroom ceiling
4. Install new bathroom vent in our master bath(ok, ok, we've had the vent fan now for 6 months and I haven't gotten it done yet)
5. Change fuel filter on K's BMW
6. Figure out why her BMW door panel is falling off and fix it before her head explodes
7. Aerate front lawn
8. Plant Bermuda grass by June
9. Install new front door
10. Paint guest room
    

I came home early from work today and edged the front lawn, mowed it and bagged all the leaves in the flower beds. I'm already wincing as I brace for K's inspiration from what I've done. "You know, it would look really good if we moved the front porch over 10 yards to the south and built an arbor"

'yes, dear'

My Darkest Days

People often ask, “Why do you get a divorce after ten years with two young children? And honestly, there is no answer that makes complete sense of the situation. I guess you can say I’m not a quitter, when I should have quit a long time ago.

There were things early on, even prior to our marriage that could have been red flags. I was a college grad, she was not. I had had my share of time away from home, on my own, she had not. She was completely enmeshed in her family’s day to day life, I was not. The list was longer but you get the point.

Maybe it was the fact that all my friends had married and I felt it was time for me to take that step. So we did it, and got married.

Two children and 10 years later we decided to divorce. After months of counseling and an inability to reach any type of resolution to our issues we filed. She was so determined to tell our 7 year old in between Christmas and New Years that I couldn’t even convince her that we should at least have all the decorations taken down. I will never forget that, and I won’t forget the reaction of telling our daughter that her parents were getting divorced and that Dad is leaving tonight. The pain in her cry was unbearable and I was told by her mom that I was just making it worse by crying with her. Our 2 year old would never know a mom and dad together.

Looking back, I should have never married in the first place. But I can’t take that back. It is one of my life experiences, and because of it I have two of the greatest gifts I could ever receive; my kids. They seem to be adjusting as best as possible. But like anything else, there are days where things just don’t seem to click. I have no idea how they feel since I knew no one that had parents that were divorced. I was also saddled with an enormous amount of guilt that has faded with time. I no longer feel guilty for the split and how it affects them, but I do carry sorrow that they will not experience a one home family. For that, I am truly sorry.

In my darkest days, I put my faith in God that he would take care of me and guide me. And He has. I have been given a second chance. I met K and fell in love. I found someone with all the qualities I should have been looking for all along. I found an equal and someone who shares my goals, my dreams, and my values. With K, we can work through the day to day struggles and come out having gained something.