The Recession Hits Home

The recession that we are currently in has claimed me as a victim.

As of last Thursday I'm one of the many unemployed. Unlike mis-managed big businesses(think Chrysler, GM, Citi, etc, etc, etc) there will be no bail out for me. And because K and I work hard to pay our bills and meet our responsibilities there is no special programs for us. Sure, there's unemployment, and I will definitely take advantage of(anything I can do to stick it to my previous employer).

But being a hard working, intelligent, punctual employee doesn't always get you were you want to go.

Now I have the opportunity to decide where I want to go. And I'm choosing school. Not just any class but Nursing or an Allied Health such as Radiography Tech. I've got a degree in Biology and I've never gotten to use it, as my dad points out any chance he gets. So it's off in to the great unknown with K's complete support. I think she's more excited than. No, I know she's more excited than me. But I'm always concerned about the unkown. Especially when it involves not only one but two families. In other words, the problems that will arise about child support and custody. I can already see a storm cloud brewing with K and the ex and I'm dreading it. There's going to be a lot of changes but I've been given this opportunity by God to make a change and I'm going to make the most of it.

R.I.P. Violet

Yesterday we mourned the loss of a dear friend and confidant. Some may call it a cyst; I called it Violet, K’s undeveloped twin. K had it (her) removed from her neck yesterday. Of course I had to go to the appointment with her. I had to see it come off. Unfortunately the doctor said, “I’d invite you to stand over here and watch but it may be messy when I cut it”.

It took all of five minutes and the marble sized cyst was taken out. No more Violet. While K wanted to throw a party for our loss, I was busy asking myself ‘who will I cuddle with once K has drifted off to sleep?’

Never Gonna Give You Up

Last Friday we went to my father-in-laws for dinner. He knows that I want to do woodworking around my house and got me a pair of great tools for Christmas.

He told me that he knew what he was giving me for my birthday. He has a tool at his shop that he has never used and it would be perfect. So I’m thinking this’ll be great. After a couple of glasses of wine and dinner, he asked me if I wanted to go look at his shop. He’s a painter by trade and has an enormous garage shop that, of course, gave me shop envy in the worst way. This is painful, in a guy way (no tears), since we just fixed up an extra bedroom for K. It’s her new sewing/craft/project room; I have a part (read small) of the garage in which to move tools around. I’m beginning to feel like a dog without a doghouse.

Back to the shop; K’s dad spots the tool, a jointer, he’s going to give me and asks if we want to take it home that night. I thought, what the heck, we’re here let’s do it. It only weighs about 500 lbs. Moving that thing in to the back of my 4Runner on a hot and extremely humid night left me drenched in sweat. Of course the door had to be tied down and the tool, attached to a base, sounded as if we had a sneaker-full basketball court in our vehicle. The squeaking was beyond bad and I knew K would pop a vein on the side of her head; I couldn’t wait!

The ride home was damn near unbearable for me as well as K and the kids, surprisingly, zonked out. I waited until Saturday morning to unload the beast and then realized what a jointer does. At least I believe it faces boards to give them a flat edge. I have no idea what I’m going to with it; at least short term. And it’s a good quality, belt driven tool.

I asked K what would possess him to buy a jointer in the first place. I said it would be like me, a huge music lover, buying a Rick Astley cd.

Monday Morning Musings

• 2 hours of work with a chainsaw can leave your body out of commission for days, especially when the limbs are above your head
• Social Distortion is underrated
• A cat starts to smell like its litter box if it’s not emptied on a regular basis
• I now think of driving around in dollar figures (it takes $18 to drive to my father-in-laws and have steak – but WORTH EVERY DOLLAR!)
• Brand new mulch can smell like ass
• BitTorrent is the next best thing to sliced bread
• A home-made lasagna, out of the freezer, is so much better than store bought
• If you interested in purchasing a pool want to go to a pool and spa show at the convention center, call to make sure there will actually be pools there(that cost me $3 in gasoline)
• Pillsbury Crescent rolls, sprinkled with parmesan cheese and garlic are the bomb; thanks to K!

I thought Saturdays were part of the 'weekend'

It is; unless you work where I do.

You see, Memorial Day weekend is like Christmas Eve & Day for me. I love racing, particularly open wheel racing. The kind where there are no fenders on the cars. The kind that when a mistake is made, it is exaggerated beyond that of a stock car. It is INDY 500 weekend. And to add a little more sugar to that cake, it is also the weekend for the Grand Prix of Monaco(it contains even MORE uppity folks than Indy cars).

BUT I just painted a mural, so to speak, and someone came and pissed all over it. That someone is work. And if you didn't know, work sucks. It sucks better than our high falootin' Dyson vacuum cleaner that sucks up more dirt than K and I knew we had. That's some serious sucking.

On Wednesday we were asked if we could come in 8-12 on Saturday. We're viewed as the 'bottleneck' in my department. Truth is the bottleneck is upstream from us but I think it's become, 'if they're coming in, we have to come in' type of thinking. And I know it's not my manager's fault. He's constantly being kicked in the nuts by the ceo(I purposely kept that in lower case letters). And my rebellion in this? To say 'yes I can come in but I've got my kids-ALL 3 OF THEM. Yep, K went to Waco to get her hair done; it's imperative that you have to take a flight to get a good dye job. Don't ask. Turns out they asked who agreed to come in because they're name went on a list going to the ceo. Great.

So I've got kids 1, 2, and 3 today. And I keep reminding them I'm bringing them all in. I almost think they don't believe me. They'll be surprised when I show up with a 4 year old in tow scribbling 'fart' on the white boards(I should teach him that today). More as a statement I want them to see what they do to someone when they rule with the iron fist. You're not only getting me but you're getting all of us, because that's the position you put me in. Fuck it. I'll let the kids go wild and they'll end up telling me to take them home. Good.

Monday Morning Musings

1. Children #1, 2 & 3 can make some pretty good home-made Mother’s Day cards.
2. Children #1, 2, & 3 can drive me absolutely bonkers as I drive them to Petsmart and Target.
3. As a result of #2, TGIFridays’ Margarita Lite mix does NOT taste like normal margarita mix. It tastes like a diet margarita. Talk about a buzz-kill (literally & figuratively). I inadvertently picked it up. K, at least, got a normal Bloody Mary.
4. K can make a mean Mother’s Day dinner. No I did not make her dinner; she made dinner for her Mom and I was a guest. Don’t bother helping her when she’s in the kitchen; it’s better for everybody that way.
5. My pick to win the INDY 500 this year, Scott Dixon, won the pole on Saturday.
6. Clematis in Oklahoma grows like a weed. Ours have grown up to 7 foot tall already.
7. It’s amazing the difference getting rid of a 5 pound Chihuahua can make on your floor plan. No more gates or closed doors. It feels like an open floor plan. The defiant indoor peeing dog is gone.
8. Work still sucks.
9. We’ve watched too many shows about renovating(outdoors and indoors); one of these days we’ll have to make good on our plans.
10. Six days until Radiohead…

I think it is STILL Monday

The alarm starts ringing about 5:45am each work (ugh) day and each work (ugh) day I roll out of bed at about 6:10am. K sleeps in and meets me downstairs for coffee before the kids get up.

I follow the same routine each day like a beat down dog; really, that’s the only way you can get me to work – beat me down.

I make the coffee; eat a piece of toast and wait for my conditioned response, the footsteps on the stairs. Nothing. This is the point where we reach the decision box on my Visio flow chart. Did K come down? Yes or No. If ‘No’ proceed to taking coffee to bedroom. Yes I am that good of a hubbie, and don’t you forget it. May I remind you, I threw the surprise party of a lifetime for K two weeks ago? That reminds me, I need to remind her.

But before I could even get to the coffee, children #1, #2, & #3 come trotting down for breakfast; every one of them in good moods ready to take on the day without a care in the world. Lucky turds. Time is now 7:00am. Child #2 asks if we have glasses that look like her teachers as it is ‘dress like your favorite teacher’ day at her school. I remember ‘sit in your seat, do your work and if you do anything remotely mischievous I will pull you by your hair to the chalkboard’ day. Whatever happened to that one? It went away with conservative values, morals, and ‘my kid is a winner ALL the time and should not be punished by YOU’ and now we will all pay for it. So I replied, “I don’t think we have any glasses like that”. She went to ask her mom and came down shortly thereafter. I asked what her mom said; to which child #2 replied, “She’s still in bed”. It’s now 7:05am.

I plod upstairs with the coffee in tow, “what are you doing? You need to get up”. K replies, “My head is killing me”. We’re all suffering through Spring allergies and our house sounds like a nose sniff on an audio loop.

My first thought, which rolls right off my tongue, as usual, is “Call in sick, I’ll take the kids to school and call in myself”

She says she can’t that she HAS to go to work.

I guess I’m going too.

Now it’s 8:20am and I can hear the CEO pissn’ and moanin’ in the morning meeting next door. I'm in Hell.

Monday Morning Musings

- I didn’t know a Chihuahua could make a 8 x 10 carpet smell so bad

- A power washer can be used to clean said carpet

- I can pull off a surprise party like nobody can

- A full box of Arm & Hammer laundry detergent falling off a washing machine sounds like a clumsy cat

- Baked fried chicken can taste just as good as pan fried chicken

- Ferrari is king again in Formula 1(after losing 41% percent of the field to attrition)

- An Indy Car race at Kansas Speedway is still just as boring with a unified series

- A pond can be green and cloudy with neglect and the fish( 47 cent goldfish) can still be alive through winter

- Work still sucks

The Elusive Night of Sleep

For two nights in a row I’ve had a pattern. And not one I care to repeat; I do not need THIS much order in my life.

The magic hours seem to be 12:00am and 3:00am. Before I even begin to describe it, you have to strike up the circus music because this is a 3 ring circus. Make it one ring for every child.

Flash back to Tuesday night:

Child #3, 4 years of age, must sleep with his door shut for crawling in to bed with Child #1 the night before. Not that big of a deal, BUT it destroys the night of sleep for two kiddos and then everybody pays the price the next day. This is NOT something he enjoys but it works like a charm. I put his night stand light on, said our nightly prayer, gave him a kiss and reminded him that tonight “we have to shut your door, for going into Child #1’s room last night”. The bottom lip begins to quiver and he struggles to keep it together, “But I’ll stay in my room”. “I know you will but this is for last night”. He never did cry but he was right on that edge. I chuckled later on at how much he hard he was trying to keep his composure.

Child #1, meanwhile, has a terrible coughing fit. We do an asthma treatment before bed and it never lets up. K and I go to bed around 10:30 and it’s STILL cough central. I get up take the cougher downstairs and give her a dose of Delsum. By 11:30, no change. So I tell the cougher that she can sleep downstairs in the guest room, trying to save sleep for the rest of the family. “Ok”. By midnight there’s a knock on our door. “I’m not comfortable downstairs; I want to be in my room”. “Thank you for the statement Child #1, now go to bed”

3:00am – Another knock on our door; Child #3, who is darn near sleep walking, is babbling about a light. I guide him back to his bed, give him a kiss and shut the door. The only thing K & I can figure is that he woke up to his light being on instead of off.

This will surely drive me insane.

Flash back to last night:

Children #1 & #3 are at their mom’s, under our joint custody arrangement.

It’s a dark and stormy night (no really it is). We keep a few windows open to get a draft through the house. We try to convince Child#2 to open her window so she is not sleeping in a sauna. It’s been humid and the house feels stagnant. No dice, she’s going down in flames before that window opens. Ok.

10:30pm – Child #2 is up and hot. You can sleep downstairs in guest room or open your window. Those two choices turn out to be no dice; she’s sweatin’ this one out.

12:00am – I think Child #2 knocked on the door (I’m not sure I was somewhere between Care Bears and Charlie’s Angels in my dreams). K got up to take care of it. Upon return K says that Child #2 was informing her, “it’s raining and you need the shut the windows”. We are SO lucky to have found out we have window patrol living under our roof. I think K told her to go back to bed and not to worry about it. I’m not sure because I was trying to find the Angels again.

3:00am – YES, again. I wake up to K going, “ssssst. Sssssst”, which is the universal sign to the cat that she better get the heck out of the way becomes hell is coming down on her. Then I heard it; our clawless cat is scratching on our wicker hamper. I grab her by the scruff and toss her out the door. We do not let the cat in our room; she’s too excited to be around us and will drive us insane.

Two nights with exactly the same pattern; if I don’t find my way back to slumberland tonight I may never find my Care Bears or Angels.

Free Chihuahua

I think we either have the most stubborn or the laziest dog for her age.

She absolutely hates anything other than warm weather(well she is Mexican and would rather have the summer heat coming down on her ya know). Under inclement conditions you have to keep a set of eyes on her; all the way out the doggie door. But don’t let you guard down, because she’ll do a quick U-turn just to check for a clear path back inside. Then once she’s in it’s nothing for her to ‘drop trou’ wherever she pleases. She’s got her special places for that though. It can’t be on bare floor, which would be easier for us to clean. It MUST be carpeted and warm if possible. Remember, she hails from closer to the equator than most of us.

But that’s not the best part. When you’re calling for her to go into her crate she tries to ‘not make eye contact’ as if she’s in a line for potential volunteers to peel potatoes or clean grease traps. It’s downright comical the way I can look under a blanket for her, see her, say her name and she’ll keep turning her head away thinking, “he won’t see me if I don’t make eye contact”. Maybe not that intelligent, maybe more along the lines of “this soft, crate not, don’t look”.

We enjoy the doe headed rat, but K and I continually say, “we had her sign a DNR form” in which we are not to take heroic measures to save her in the event of a disaster(man made or otherwise).

So she better keep Mrs. Peepers pointed to the ground. The outside ground.

How long should this really take

It was just supposed to be an oil change; that is until I unscrewed the oil plug and thought, "man that oil sure is red"

Sonofamotherscratcher this is the transmission pan. Assuming everything on K's BMW 318i would be similar in layout to the rice burners, I made a fatal mistake. I uncorked the transmission fluid in error. Of course it would not be that big of a deal IF you could pour the transmission fluid in from the TOP of the engine compartment.

Oh no no no. Not in this frankenfurter von shnitzel. The fill up/top off port is on the side of the transmission pan, which was impossible to get off. To make a long story long, I had to take 16 bolts off the transmission pan to get it off in order to pour the vacated fluid back into it. Then I had to have K put the bolts back in while I held the pan in place, which was not an easy task.

We had transmission fluid everywhere, including on us. Although I have to say, K in a wifebeater with greasy spots on her arms and shirt were working for me. If it hadn't taken me another 45 minutes to finish the transmission pan and do the real oil change I might have done something about that urge.

I did get to watch the Long Beach Grand Prix and oh, how I'll miss those turbocharged V8's.

~sigh~

The Polar Bear Lost His Marbles

Last Friday I had volunteered with my wife to chaperon her daughters', kid #2, field trip to the zoo. I will use ANY excuse to not go to work. And I also like the zoo. One of my best friends is a primate zoo keeper so I've gotten the behind-the-scenes view of the zoo and it's pretty interesting. And loud. And stinky. And dangerous(we're talking chimps that will tear you limb from limb).

But what got me this time was the polar bear.


It all seemed just fine at first. "Hey look at the polar bear! Look at him walking around in a circle."
Again, and again, and again.

I even commented to K, "look he even sniffs the same spot on the back wall every single time around.
A little bit later we caught up to my friend the primate zoo keeper, "they're not monkeys they're chimps!" Ok, ok simmer down now...

He said it was not a good sign; just like we had thought. The bear is basically going crazy and obsessively does the same thing, or pattern over and over. If there happened to be another door opened to, say, a holding pen, it would be enough to give it the change it needs to keep it's sanity.

Apple pie, Chevrolet and freezing your rear off

What ever happened to baseball in the summer time?! When I was growing up, we played exclusively in the summer; of course I lived in northern Illinois so the climate had a lot to do with that. We also didn't get the 'every body is a winner' speech from our parents. It was more of the 'well you guys stink, try harder'. Nowadays everyone is so enmeshed in their children's happiness and ability to do well that in a lot a ways we don't prepare them for growing up like we should.It was cold this weekend. Really cold. This would be the reason you didn't see Spring Little League back when I was a kid. The wind was blowing around 15 mph and it was in the 40's F. It was unbearable for all the adults in attendance. We'd much rather be in our pj's drinking coffee at 10am than sitting outside watching mini-me's play T-ball.

Saturday was child #3's first go round with T-ball, at four years of age. I can't remember how many balls went past him in the field or how many times the coaches had to holler to get him to stand on the bases, but he had a blast. You couldn't tell by the look on his face how cold it was but you sure could from his red nose and ears.

Where Am I?

I’m not sure how coherent I can be to post anything today. I’m in a state of delirium after being awakened somewhere around 2 or 2:30am this morning by thunder, kids and tornado sirens (in no particular order). Extremely severe weather moved through our county and town, with the worst passing North and South of us. Sleep did not join us any time after that.

I’d love to go on and on about the high I’m still carrying over from Sunday’s race in St. Petersburg but I’ll leave that for tomorrow.

What I will leave you with is yet another example of the Iranian President Ahmadinejad’s madness. He has not minced his words or pulled any punches; he fully intends to wipe Israel off the face of the Middle East. But he won’t stop there; his final target will be the United States. Yet nothing is being done to stop him.

There Was a Connection...Sort of

On the way home from our dinner at my dad’s house the kids make their obligatory request, “Can we listen to Radio Disney?”

Anything that will keep them occupied for more than five minutes is good enough for me and K. You won’t mind listening to it as long as you enjoy hearing a shuffle play of what seems like no more than ten songs. Of course we’re talking about short attention spans so I get it.

On this night, though, we heard Queen’s ‘We Will Rock You’. You may remember this tune from way back when; when it wasn’t played at every sporting event known to man. And lo and behold, child #2 makes the statement, “this is the song they play at the stadiums”.

Without missing a beat children #1 through #3 are all clapping there hands and yelling ‘we will, we will rock you’. And with impeccable timing child #2 asks, “Can you turn it up, this is the good part” right before Brian May starts wailing through his famous guitar solo. Talk about goose bumps!

Meanwhile K and I were reliving our childhood, “I had this on a 45”, and “My aunt had the 8 track album”

I think we all had a connection…….until MileyHannahJonasBrothersMontanaCyrus came back on.

Completely Kid Free!

Even down to the dog. That’s how K and I have spent the last 14 hours. Mine went back to their Mom for visitation, K’s went to San Antonio to visit cousins while on Spring Break and the dog went to Grandmas’ house. Or as I like to say, to see K’s 4-legged brother, Cozmo.

We, in turn, had a night all to ourselves! It started off with a decent meal at an Italian restaurant we had never tried before. Flash forward to 9:30pm as I’m struggling to keep my eyes open through an all new Law & Order; yes a NEW ONE. It must be the fact that we relax so much when none of the kids are around that we don’t know what to do with ourselves. Or maybe they slipped something in my dessert.

So we called it a short night and started packing for our Easter jaunt down to San Antonio, to see my father-in-law and his wife. Yep, we have this big house that we wanted to start our own family holiday traditions in and we’re hitting the road for the third holiday out of four (Easter, Christmas and Easter). At least we can look forward to some warm weather and real beer or two.

I wonder if there are any good concerts down there on Saturday night………